Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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