Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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