im about as happy as oj after his trial
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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