the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize