Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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