i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
