is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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