More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
