she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize