So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
