apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange