it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.