it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.