so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.