I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
