apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
