3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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