you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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