So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
