All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
