we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
