Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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