At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
