Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
