Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
