I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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