Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
