Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
