Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
