I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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