nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize