i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
