so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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