you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
