I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
