I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
