the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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