Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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