I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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