If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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