The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
