I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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