so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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