Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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