fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
two words...techno handjob
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
