.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
