you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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