Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
