i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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