On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
