yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
