Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
