I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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