I swear she didn't look like that last week.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
