Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
