Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize