just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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