Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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