Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
