You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
