what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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