I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
