We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
