I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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