Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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