I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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