i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
