Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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