she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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