I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
