Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
