I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
