We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cockslap morals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
