totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
