my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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