i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
