If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
